Not Everyone Is a Victim
August 21, 2011
Recently I visited Scott Millsap, owner of Automated Accounts, a BBB Accredited collection agency. The BBB is fielding more calls each month from people with questions about what a collection agency can and cannot do, and Scott graciously spent time with our Trade Practice staff educating them on the ethics and compassion a collection agency should practice. He and his team set a great example, and he shared a story with me about one of his former clients. Yes, he calls the people he is collecting money FROM his clients. Refreshing, huh?
Kristina Ralls got out of a destructive marriage and she and her three teenagers were off on an adventure. She was working at a job she loved, finishing college and building a great life. She was accepted by Gonzaga Law School, following her long-time dream. That meant no more full-time job, so she reduced her hours and her pay, and tightened the family budget. But then she got very sick and things began to snowball. Between medical bills, prescriptions, college expenses and the cost of raising three kids, she fell behind and ended up in court facing Scott Millsap.
Scott was very impressed with Kristina. Several months later, when he had a collector position open up, he called her. He liked her attitude and her intelligence and knew she was in law school. She went to work for Automated Accounts as a part-time collector. Kristina told me she thought she would never work at a collection agency until she saw how she was treated by AA when she was a client.
“The respect for the client is critical,” she says. “It is really easy to ask someone to pay $50 per week, but if the choice is paying the bill or buying food or medicine, you have to respect that.” And she tells me when you build that relationship with a client that shows them you care and respect them, the bills get paid.
Last week Kristina emailed me some great news; she passed the bar exam on her first try and is now a full-fledged member of the bar! What now? She knows there are not a lot of opportunities in Spokane, but with three high school-aged children pulling up stakes is not an easy decision. She would really like to be a judge and was quite impressed by Annette Plese, the judge who administered the oath of attorney to her. Judge Plese took time to explain the judicial system to Kristina’s children who were there to witness the oath. When she told me the story it was still clear what an impact that show of respect had on her and her kids, and we all know how hard it is to impress a teenager!
It must be easier to be a victim. To blame someone or something for your current situation than to stop and pull yourself up by the bootstraps so many seem to lack. And it must be easier to decide you are entitled to certain benefits and privileges without effort on your part. I know over the years of writing this column I have always received a robust response from readers when I take on those who live in victim mode.
I sought out Kristina, because I wanted to write about her. Some days I feel surrounded by people who want something for nothing and demand things they did not earn nor deserve. This story was a refreshing one. How easy it would have been for her to give up her dream. She had so many barriers thrown up before her, but she kept going. Obviously she is not a traditional student and the job of raising three teens is a barrier in itself. But she never gave up, never made excuses; she just kept reaching for her goal.
She told me she is in awe of her children. They are confident and sure of themselves. They believe in who they are and what they want to achieve in the world. I have little doubt where they got that spirit.
Victim Mentality Accomplishes Nothing
by Jan Quintrall, President & CEO, BBB
August 06, 2011
More than just a few of the complaints the BBB receives each week begin with a description not unlike this: “Hello, I am a disabled single father suffering from depression and dandruff plus I have a three-legged dog that is a senior citizen and a mangy yellow one-eyed cat that lisps.” Ok, this is over the top, but you get my drift. The complaint letters that begin like this always puzzle me and I wonder what the writers hope to achieve by starting the conversation in such a fashion.
Do they think they deserve a higher level of service due to the laundry list of challenges they feel they face every day? Or are they setting themselves up as a perpetual victim so we should rush in and take up their cause with extra gusto? One thing I do know is that beginning a relationship or a transaction with the perception of being taken advantage of is not a good idea.
Years ago when I was still at the Colorado Springs BBB, we had a couple of really bad actors in the heating and air conditioning industry. One afternoon we received a call from a woman who wanted to report that her elderly neighbor, a widow, had one of the bad guys in process of replacing her relatively new furnace. The “old” furnace was sitting in the front yard and this caring neighbor knew it was under five years old. We asked her to walk over and call us back, with the neighbor also on the line so we could talk to her with the kind neighbor’s help. We then found out the widow did not have the money to pay for this furnace that she did not need, and had already handed over her wedding rings to the installer.
We explained that she was dealing with a company who had a bad record and a history of replacing items that did not require replacement, as well as high-pressure sales tactics. In our work with the District Attorney in El Paso County, we knew they needed to see the units that were removed so they could prove this fraud. At that point I asked that she tell the installers to not remove the old unit and that we would have the authorities come and pick it up. She refused and the neighbor and I were shocked at her attitude. I have to admit I got a little pushy with her; I really wanted to see these rip off-artists in jail. She pushed back with a comment I will never forget: “I am an old lady and I know I am getting ripped off, it happens all the time!” Wow.
If you enter into a business relationship as a customer, vendor or new employee you should start with trust, and expect the best outcome. We often see employees who expect to be treated poorly and overreact at every turn. This is a strange place for a good and ethical employer to find themselves and it takes a long time to build trust. Companies often face a customer who walks in the door angry and ready for a fight when there is no reason to fight. And businesses see this attitude in vendors who think everyone is out to squeeze every last drop of blood from them in each transaction. Where did this come from? Why do people think they will be taken advantage of all the time? Are there that many bad employers and businesses out there? I don’t think so.
Trust is at an all time low in America today. We have lost trust in our elected leaders, corporations, Wall Street, our churches, science and government as a whole. Institutions we thought we could count on continue to disappoint us and as human beings we transfer that mistrust into everything we do. The problem with this “I’ll get you before you get me” or “I know you’ll take advantage of me” mentality is it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Our relationships are damaged right from the start, because rather than start from zero and build trust, we start with our fists in the air. Research is so easy these days to be sure you are engaging with the right kind of company that you should start with the attitude that everyone will win in the relationship. Drop those fists, empower yourself with your knowledge and open your hands. And remember to Start with Trust before you buy, by looking up a company’s business review at www.bbb.org.